How to Piss Off Your Readers on Medium

My beautiful and kind readers, I love you from the bottom of my ass; I want to offer you the ideal life; a life where we are all treated the same and a loser doesn’t have to work to make a living, and a hard worker gives up on all of their wealth to save pigs.

You are perfect the way you are. You don’t have to change; you don’t have to do anything but fart. Release that pressure deep inside you and please our ears with the musical noise of a big, frightening, mighty wind. 💨

That’s better! That powerful sound has opened my dirty ears! You guys are the best. Aren’t you? Aren’t You?? Aren’t You???

Crap, why I’m hearing no response? Someone in the IT department checks the microphones🎤

All good, sir.

Then why is no one saying yes?

Bowahaha, because your boring speech and that amount of poisoned air have put your readers in a coma, you idiot.

Who the heck are you? 🤨

I’m Nour the Great, the King of planet Medium🤴, you boring idiot.

But…

Shhhhhhh, shut up and listen to the most precious two cents coming out from the most precious mouth of the master.

When you write, you don’t write to please; you write to tease. Pause! That rhyme…